Episode: Married With Fishsticks (S-5, E-15)

Author: CN Winters

Fandom: Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and Gabrielle fanfiction

Author Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.

Feedback: Drop me a line at cnwinters71@yahoo.com.

Married With Fishsticks

Our story opens with Gabby trying to stop Eve from crying while Xena is taking a bath. Gabby's trying to bribe the baby with money when Xena arrives. They have a chat about what kind of mother Gabby makes. Xena says Gabby is fine and she does have patience with children. The baby nods off but when Joxer arrives making a bunch of noise, Eve wakes up again.

He's brought baby back ribs for the baby for breakfast and Xena and Gabby are both ready to strangle him. Gabby says she'll take Joxer into town and get some food for them. When they get there Discord and Dite are duking it out after they get into an argument over a lovesick pirate. Dite can give as good as she gets for being the goddess of love and gives Discord a run for her money in a flame war - both language wise and fire ball throwing. Gabby ends up getting knocked on the head and falls into the water.

She wakes to see Joxer next to her. She can't remember anything but she's got mermaid legs. He tells her the kids will be relieved to see she's okay. She says what kids and he points out a squid, a halfboy halfwalrus and a halfboy half urchin. She faints and wakes up in bed.

Her husband Hagar is giving her some medicine to help her. Gabby points out she doesn't have a ring. He says she must have lost it in the accident but he'll get her another because nothings to good for the mother of his sprats (LOL). Gabby pushes him away when he tries to kiss her. The kids start screaming and he leaves. Later he is watching the 'TV' and admiring the other mermaids. Gabby comes in front of him and tells him the place is a mess. He says it's good that she's up now because she'll be able to clean it. As he hands her the stuff she asks if they had a happy marriage. He says happy as clams and smacks her on the ass as he walks away.

She starts to leave but falls into a trap the kids set and is suspended in the air. Hagar returns and the kids drop her. He introduces them but leaves to answer the door. The youngest, squid, jumps to 'mama' and ends up wrapped around her face as she runs around.

At the door are Crustatia's friends - played about Discord and Dite - who are pinning for Hagar. During the conversation we learn that Hagar's real wife has left him and that he's drugging Gabby so she doesn't remember who she is. He's running for office and it seems 'family values' are important to the race - he needs a wife.

Gabby is cleaning the floor while the baby looks on. They play a bit in the process and Gabby seems to enjoy it for the most part. The door bell rings and it's her best friends who stopped by to see why she wasn't at the 'club' - the mermaid hot spot. Next we see her friends taking her there. They tell her how unhappy she was and how terrible the kids are to try to convince her to leave so they could have Hagar. But instead of trying her away it convinces her to stay and guild the children to be better.

Hagar is speaking about being president to a committee group. The 'party' leader (I assume) tells him he sees Hagar's wife is home. Hagar points out that his wife can't remember when she's been this happy. Of course the kids have strung her up again. But this time they lower her into shark waters. She escapes and gives it to them good. She grounds them and tells them things are going to change. She orders them to their room and they realize that 'mom' is not joking around. Hagar returns home telling her how hard his day is and that wish he could do 'nothing' all day like her. Gabby throws a knife. The kids watch, who are obediently doing dishes, and she sends them away.

She wants to know if he thinks that the house cleans itself, that dinner magically jumps in the pot and that the kids have manners all on their own. He responds in a 'baby' voice asking if his little crab cake is feeling a little under appreciated. Gabby slaps him right across the face (LOL). She says now she feels patronized now and that's even worse. She says he has to share the load because she won't have the boys treating their spouses the way that he treats her.

Gabby shows up in a babydoll nighty and asks if he expects her to believe that's what she wears to bed. He says no, she usually sleeps in the nude. She runs and jumps into bed before he could see too much of her. She then asks how they met and we see a parody of Saturday Night Fever - with Hagar carrying a pail of paint. Crustatia has braces and is very attracted to him. When he knocks himself out she gives him mouth to mouth. Back in the present Hagar confesses that he was fine but he wanted to get a kiss from her (seems mouth to mouth qualifies as a kiss in the xenaverse so Gabby and Xena are up to what?19 kisses so far in 5 years? (VBG) ).

Next we see the two friends plotting that something might happen to Crustatia. They bring her back to the club and have her bring her kids. She's cutting up an apple for her squid. They tell her and squid to get closer to the pool so they could do a portrait of mother and . . .. and...squid (BG). Little does Gabby know but they release a giant squid into the pool who pulls Gabby in. A battle ensues and blood floats to the top. Finally Gabby with knife in mouth breaks the surface. Plan two to snag Hagar has failed for the girls.

Back at home Hagar has pitched in and made Clamburgers for the family. Gabby likes what she's seeing and as the kids go to bed they talk about sharing the workload. Hagar agrees he has to help with things. Gabby says if that's true he'll do the dishes too (LOL). The next day at the club the friends are plotting again. They decided since they are supplying the memory potion they will stop giving her the real thing so she gets her real memory back.

Hagar takes Gabby back to the Coral Gardens where he asked 'her' to marry him. He proposes to her again so she'll have a real memory. He wants her to 'remarry' him. Gabby agrees to begin again and they share a soft kiss (ahhhh). At the wedding, the party leader/preacher is telling Hagar it was a great strategy to renew his wedding vows so close to the election but Hagar finds he really does love Gabby/Crustratia.

Gabby comes down the aisle and Hagar says he has something to tell her. She asks if he's as nervous as she is but that they've done this before so they'll be all right. Hagar says that's just it. He doesn't finish though. Gabby sees a coral arrangement that's shaped like a chakram and she flashes to Xena holding the weapon in Succession. Next she sees the mermaids in the pool holding up their hands in the water and she flashes to (you guessed it) Xena with the 'twin' fish on her hands in FFG. Next she flashes to herself with her sais battling with Xena. She realizes she's not who she's been told she is... she's Gabby! WooHoo!

Hagar confesses that yes he tricked her but he's really in love with her. Since Gabby knows the truth now her 'best' friends figure it's their chance with Hagar. When Hagar has no interest because he loves Gabby, they start to go after her. Of course Gabby takes them out and tells Hagar goodbye. She tells him to go find his real wife and let her know about all the things she's taught him about being a good spouse. He agrees and they share a sweet kiss (ahhhh). Next Gabby comes too but she's giving Hagar another kiss - only thing is it's not Hagar but Joxer who's on the docks and has been trying to revive her. When she sees his face she gives him a right hook and he falls back.

Xena walks up and sees the exchange and says, "You wanna tell me something Gabrielle". (LOL) Seems that Xena can 'feel' something for Ares and it's fun and games but if Gabby shares a kiss? Llook out. (ROTFL)

Gabby stutters and explains that she had this bizarre dream. Xena seems to buy it and when Dite and Discord start to go at it again, Xena warns them to drop it or they'll get a taste of her chakram. They agree to take the fight to Olympus and disappear. Eve starts to cry again and Gabby asks if she can take over. Xena isn't sure but figures what the hey and gives Gabby the child. Instantly Eve quiets down for 'Aunt Gabby' and Xena admires her bard and her daughter as they walk away. (Ahhhhh,  I think every mom has looked at the 'father' of her children in such light at some point so perhaps RJ is making a difference).

The screen time between X and G is shorter in this one than many all season but they got something right for once. The 'love' between these two came through as well as the 'connection' as soulmates. I hope that they keep it up for the rest of the season.

Next week is repeats - Dem Bones.so until next time folks. from what I hear Xena will have Eve inducted into the amazon nation. Gee wonder why?(LOL) Xena's not an amazon (BG) but she knows someone who is, maybe that's WHY(BG)?

CN Winters