Episode: Animal Attraction (S-5, E-4)

Author: CN Winters

Fandom: Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and Gabrielle fanfiction

Author Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.

Feedback: Drop me a line at cnwinters71@yahoo.com.

Animal Attraction

Well, here's the one you've been waiting for folks. The one where Xena finds out she's going to have a bundle of joy. I'm not going to be too surprised when the kid pops out with blonde hair but call me a subtexter.(G)

Okay here's the scoop. The gang (Army, Joxer, Gabby and Xena) are walking down the road. Joxer is eyeing Gabrielle much to her discomfort (YES!!) and asks Xena for advice. Xena however is asleep in the saddle. She's been having that problem a lot lately - as well as the upset tummy. Anyway she suddenly wakes up and hears trouble.

She races ahead on Argo while everyone else hoofs it. She finds a horse in a game trap as the rest of the crew arrives. Gabrielle's presence instantly calms the animal and Xena tells her to keep talking to him. She does and Xena manages to free the horse. Xena says they'll have to tend the wound before they release him but Gabby sounds disappointed. Xena gives her one of those 'I know what you got in mind bard' grins and asks if she has another ideas for him. Gabby doesn't answer. They take the horse into a village. They find a stable where a guy tells them there's no weapons allowed in their town. Army, being the big mouth she is, gets defensive and asks if there's anyone who feels strong enough to take away Xena's weapons. A woman, in old west getup, walks in and says she is. They spare and when Xena nicely knocks her on her fanny she offers her a hand up. The woman takes it and she and Xena embrace. Seems the sheriff was a bad girl who now is the local law in those parts. Xena offers Taleus, the sheriff, a meal of raspberry jam and raw fish. Everyone declines and Taleus and Xena go off on their own.

Over the meal Taleus learns that an evil dude is headed back into town. Xena offers her support but Taleus refuses saying it's her fight. The rest of the crew have split up - Gabby's trying to 'make contact' with the new horse. Army is accidentally trying to kill Armond (from the 'Convert') who happens to be in the mineral baths. And Joxer is just hanging out with the two soon to be lovebirds. Army slips however and Armond and Joxer laugh at her. She in turn calls Armond a mother--------. . .well they cut the last part out. Next we see Armond and Joxer getting a massage and talking bout 'women'. Army for her part is in the sauna gripping to Xena and Gabby about Armond. Xena says she doesn't feel well and Gabby tells her to perhaps see a healer.

The healer tells Xena she's in great heath considering she's pregnant. She holds him by the throat and says it's impossible for her to be pregnant. Or as Xena puts it:

"It is impossible. I can not be pregnant. If you weren't such a quack you would know that getting pregnant requires certain physical requirements that I haven't meet in a loooong time. And I mean a verrrrry long time. No one. Zilch. Zippo. I am in a love free zone. Therefore it is utterly impossible . . ."

We then cut to Joxer who is trying to help Gabrielle with her sack of apples. But he refused to get his hands off her apples and breaks the bag. We see Xena leaving the doctor's hut, calling him a quack. Gabby finally makes it to the barn and asks Argo to tell the new horse she won't hurt him. Armond walks in and asks advice on what to do about Army. Gabby suggests flowers because you can't go wrong with flowers. Women love flowers - well except for Xena she observes. Then we cut to Xena who is smelling some roses and makes baby talk to a teddy bear. Armond then goes in search of Army as Gabby binds her ankle to look like the horse to win his trust (LOL). But it still doesn't work. He won't come near her.

Xena finds her friend Taleus where the sheriff confesses that the bad dude, Darcon, is her estranged husband. Taleus says she can't ask Xena to help since she's pregnant - Xena looks shocked but Taleus explains that her mother was a midwife and she knows all the signs. Taleus leaves as Xena sits slack jawed.

Later we see Xena at the tavern where she orders a milk. He laughs at her. She has a hissy fit (LOL) but gets her milk in the end. Army comes in and asks for advice about Armond. Xena says either kiss him or kill him, it doesn't make a difference. Xena makes her way out as Armond is walking in with tokens of love for Army. The casual conversation turns into an argument but suddenly they kiss. Joxer comes in looking for Gabrielle as Army rushes out. Gabby, however, is still in the barn working with the horse that is now coming around.

Next we see Xena pacing as she's telling about the pregnancy but it's Argo she's talking to and adds "Gabrielle is gonna freak". She leaves the barn (no Gabby there at the moment) and runs into Armond. She persuades him to try again with Army. But once more it ends up in an argument.

Xena goes back to the barn to see Gabby feeding the horse an apple. Xena has a very affectionate smile on her face. But the moment gets interrupted when everyone walks into the barn arguing. Xena shouts, "I'm pregnant!!!"

Everyone shuts up. (LOL) Gabby looks like a deer caught in the headlights (ROTFL). And I'm sure you're all going to want to know so here's the exchange:

G: You're pregnant?

X:~smiles nervously and nods~

G: HOW can you be pregnant? Xena? I mean when did you. . .? Who did . . .?

X: I don't know (almost a whisper)

G: You DON'T KNOW?

X: Gabrielle, it's as strange to me as it is to you. I don't understand it but it's true. I felt it with Solon. There's life within me . . . and it's good.

G: ~cautiously hugs her~ Congratulations.

Joxer says Xena's announcement beats the hell outta his news - Darcon is coming. No one can find the sheriff so Xena says it's up to them. Xena puts Army and Armond together to guard against a flank. They argue again but admit they do it because they are both scared of what they feel (ahhhhh).

Xena and Gabby wait for the evil dudes too. Xena is looking for the bad men but you can see Gabby has other things on her mind and have this exchange:

G: You don't have the slightest idea?

X: Now look we've been through this 1000 times - I don't.

G: How could you NOT know? I - I jjjjust find that hard to believe Xena.

X: Tell me.

G: Ares! Maybe he did a god thing -

X: ~waving her finger dramatically to cut her off from ANY more speculation~ No.

G: When's the last time we saw Hercules? I can't -

X: ~rolls her eyes a little but gets stopped when they hear the evil gangs horses approach~

Xena and Gabby don't finish the conversation. They rush to face the bad dudes. Taleus seems to be back and stands in the middle of town telling Darcon this wasn't his home anymore. The gang splits up and so does Xena and her crew. As Taleus and Darcon fight, the bad guys try to take Taleus out but Xena and her band of merry men and women - take them out so Taleus has a fair fight with Darcon. In the end Taleus wins but instead of killing her husband she takes him into custody to go before the judge.

Back at the barn Armond and Army kiss goodbye. Gabby is getting her horse ready and she and Xena have this exchange:

X: Congratulations. Looks like we're a two-horse family.

G: Yeah. Family being the operative word . . . .You know what I think. I think it's the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

X: ~rubs her stomach~ Yep. For all of us.

Outside, Gabrielle mounts her stallion and asks if she'd like to race to Greece and Xena answers that if they did that Gabby wouldn't be able to walk straight for a month (as if there's anything straight about Gabby (LOL). Ohhh settle down anti-subtexters it's just a joke okay).

I still think they are batting 1000(G). It's not the funniest of the comedy eps (that goes to A Day In The Life, followed closely by FFG) but it was good. Xena's . . .ahem . . . 'coming out' to Gabrielle about the pregnancy was very subtext heavy. The way she took the news was almost unnerving. Even my hubby said, looks like you'll have something to write about this week (LOL).

As for next week it's a repeat of ISAIH (another good one in my opinion). I'd rather see a new one but 'In sickness' was good for a laugh or two. And as for this week's disclaimer, "Although the rabbit died, no animals were harmed in the production of this motion picture."

CN Winters