Episode: If The Shoe Fits (S-4, E-12)

Author: CN Winters

Fandom: Subtext report, Xena Fanfiction, Xena and Gabrielle fanfiction

Author Note: Many of these reports are littered with errors because I wrote them quickly and 'on the fly' so I could post them quicker to the 'Nutforum' back in the day.

Feedback: Drop me a line at cnwinters71@yahoo.com.

If The Shoe Fits

Xena and Gabrielle ARE a couple. I’m convinced after this ep. Not because of any heartfelt confessions or passionate kisses (which this ep does not contain). I say this because they ‘act’ like a couple. Anyway onto our story. . .

Xena and Gabby are the girls of invention. Edison’s got nuthin’ on these two. Today’s invention is ‘the shower’. Gabby is bathing under a pail of hot water that has holes in it. While she’s scrub adub dubbing (the woman does have a beautiful back BTW), Xena is waking up all cranky because Gabby didn’t wake her up like she was supposed to. . .So Gabby is supposed to be Xena’s shoulder to cry on, bedroll warmer and now, alarm clock.

Xena, it appears since she’s grumbling to herself, wants to capture a warlord named Zantar to take him back to jail. She looks for some rope but doesn’t find what she needs. As Gabby continues to bathe we see her BGSB get stolen. Xena goes and rounds up the bad warlord. She comes back to see Gabby wearing a sack and telling her that the BGSB was stolen, probably by some ‘fashionable beaver’. <LOL> I’m sorry, you’ll have to put your own subtext joke in here. I can’t do it because this is a family forum <VBG>. (But I will have you notice throughout the ep that the sack gets smaller and smaller – Gabby just can’t seem to stay covered no matter what she’s wearing.<LOL>)

Anyhow. . .Xena looks guilty and Gabby noticed the warlord is wrapped up in a green cloth of some kind. The Gabster ain’t too impressed with the fact Xena is stealing the shirt off her back, literally. Xena gets a little huffy asking why Joxer is still asleep and as Gabby explains ‘I was topless’. Xena doesn’t argue anymore. She just tossing a cup of water on the buffoon who wakes up in buffoon style. Couple clue number one: If you think you own anything anymore once you get hitched you’re sadly mistaken. Your house, your clothes and even your food is a potential target for your mates ‘consumption’. Ask Gabby, she can tell ya all about it.

The four of them (Xena, Gabby, Joxer and Zantar the warlord) set off down the road. Xena compliments Gabby on her sack she’s wearing but Gabby says brown isn’t her color. Xena argues the point that ‘she likes it, it’s got that rustic feel’. Gabby doesn’t seem to stay mad at Xena too long because she cracks a smile. She doesn’t get much chance to reply because they hear an explosion and race into a temple.

Inside, Aphrodite is with a little girl who was playing with a bottle marked ‘passion’. The girl runs to Xena (Xena knows her father, the kingdom’s king) and she asks Xena to save from her evil fairy-gods- mother, Dite. Dite says take the kid and split so they do. And Alysia tells that she hates her step-mother and ran away.

Xena goes to check on the warlords men to see if they are being followed and Gabby starts to tell Alysia (sp?) the story of Teriella(sp?) to pass the time (I’m not going to tell you the substories but some are more cute than others. Just keep in mind that every storyteller is the ‘star’ of the tale).

Dite realize that she misses being a mom since Cupid is grown now and she decides to find the girl to make her the demi-goddess of puppy love. Dite shows up at the scene and tells her version of Teriella (I think I liked this one best because ROC plays a good geek<G>.Plus Gabby also likes to watch Xena wiggle – I’m not going to explain. You’ll have to see it to understand<BG>). It doesn’t last long. Xena returns and tells Dite she had her chance, get lost.

Xena then tries to make peace with Gabby by cooking dinner for her. Couple clue number two: This is called keeping the peace. Doing something for your spouse you don’t normally do because you want to get outta hot water.

Gabrielle goes back to telling the story but Xena asks where the frying pan is. Gabby tells her ("Where it usually is . . .MY BAG!") and goes back to her story. Then Xena asks for the spoons. Gabby’s getting more frustrated, but tells her. Then Xena asks if they have any butter and sugar. That’s it! Gabby is up and doing the job herself because it’s ‘easier if (she) does it’ (Listen close when Gabby is out of the picture – you’ll hear her make a comment to Xena about putting the frying pan down because she’s going to get herself hurt.<LOL>). Couple clue number three: This is called the bait and switch. You act so incompetent that you get out of doing the job you said you would do and have your spouse do it for you. Men are masters at this and Xena, who is by far the more ‘masculine’ of the two, has this down to an art form.<G>

Anyway, Gabby tells Joxer if he wants to eat, he better finish the story so he goes into his version.

Back to Gabby and Xena – Gabby is hunting for the oil and the cooking supplies while Xena’s kicked back, rattling on, about how she’s a woman of action and not a storyteller. Former storyteller, now short order cook, Gabby throws the waterskins at Xena and tells her to ‘take some action’ and get them some water. Couple clue number four: Nothing pi**es off a spouse faster than taking over a job for your spouse only to have them ‘supervise’ or take life easy. Gabby is not thrilled at this point with Xena.

When Xena is comes back she says she’s spotted Zantar’s men. Gabby asks if Xena needs anything from her - "My boots. My skirt. My underwear". "Nah," Xena answers, "That would be too cruel." Gabby still isn’t very impressed with Xena and I can see that it’s going to be one chilly night for the warrior princess.

Joxer continues his story, but the girl takes off. Dite disguises herself as an old woman and asks Gabby for help. Gabby leaves and Dite takes the chance to free the warlord in exchange for helping her get the girl back. Xena comes back and blames Gabby for everyone’s ‘escape’ and finds the little girl on a hill side. Alysia explains that she hated Joxer's story and had to get away.

Xena rounds up the troop and heads to the king. On the way, she tells her version of the independent Terilla who doesn’t need a prince to be happy. Gabby gets upset when her character in the tale is reduced to a dishwasher. Xena tries to tell Gabby, it’s not a bad thing. She thinks of her as family, and –.

She doesn’t get the chance to finish. Gabby storms off and Xena tries to act carefree about it, but you see she’s worried that she may have finally DONE it. Xena gets the little girl home and makes the stepmom and the little girl sort things out. Xena then sees the gang stealing the kings jewels. Gabby, on the other hand, has gone to Dite and asked her to leave the little girl alone so she can sort things out with her family.

Xena finds the bad guys and Gabby shows back up to help her kick butt. Back at the castle, the little girl is upset because she feels she’s messed everything up – the warlord got her dad’s treasure and Gabrielle left Xena forever. But step-mom assures her everything is fine.

Xena does the same too when the trio arrives to return the kings jewels to him. Alysia asks how Xena’s story ends since she didn’t finish it. She wanted to know if Teriella married the prince and lived happily ever after. Xena says, "No, she didn’t marry the prince. She and her fairy gods sister made a pact – from now on they would help each other be all that they could be."

Dite shows up and tells the girl to stay with her family because they really love her. Xena turns to Gabby and asks what made her decide to come back to her. Gabby said they were family and they should stay together and work things out. Joxer gets another group hug<G> and as they leave Gabby tells them about her latest story she’s considering – a wooden boy whose nose grows when he tells a lie.

Disclaimer: No Fractured Fables were harmed in the production of this motion picture.

Next week is the big one! The new tub scene will be in Paradise Found. Looks like Xena and Gabby have found paradise, but the trip looks like it takes a turn for the worst – thanks to Xena (of course! She’s always causing trouble<G>). Seriously though, looks like this might be one of those eps that appeal to everyone<VBG>.

CN Winters