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Title: Watching
and Waiting
Author:
CN Winters
Fandom:
Xena Fanfiction, Xena fanfic, Xena fan fiction, Xena and
Gabrielle fanfiction, Xena fiction
Rating: PG
Disclaimers:
Xena and the gang aren't mine. They belong to
MCA/Universal/Studio USA and a bunch of other folks who now
own them. It is the musings of a certain warrior princess and
her affection for another woman. If the thought of two ladies
in love is unappealing please proceed on to another story.
Synopsis: Dead
Xena watches as Gabrielle moves on with her life before making
her next leap into another lifetime.
Feedback:
Drop me a line at cnwinters71@yahoo.com.
Watching and
Waiting
She's kissing her,
my Gabrielle. That Amazon harlot. Paria. What kinda name is
Paria anyway? It sounds like the name of some foreign land and
not a person.
Playing the voyeur
of Gabrielle's life is getting harder, especially since that
Paria came into her life. She's a few summers younger than
Gabrielle - strong build, dark hair and blue eyes. Okay, she's
gorgeous, no question about it. She also does something that
other people haven't been able to do in the 14 months I've
left Gabrielle's side. She makes Gabrielle smile. I should be
absolutely happy for her. For both, of them. I would if this
damn gnawing sensation would go away in my stomach.
But then again, it
is for the best. I know it is. I don't want to see her lonely.
I don't want her to go through life not sharing herself with
someone who loves her. I want her to be kissed and held and
loved. If ever a soul deserved it, then it's Gabrielle. I just
wish I could be the one to do it. But now it's too late. I
made my choice. I controlled my fate. It sent me here... watching her from afar, wishing I was the one now whose lying
back in the meadow, tickling her chin with daisies, making her
smile. But I can't. I'm here. I'm trapped. And I'm forced to
watch PARIA build a life with Gabrielle that I should have
stuck around for.
I used to visit her
but it got to be too much... too much for both of us. That trip
to Athens. That was the last straw. They almost committed
Gabrielle for being crazy. Anyone walking the streets and
talking to dead lovers surely must be a wacko, right? She
escaped imprisonment that night... barely. I knew I had to go
then. I couldn't keep hanging on to her. It had been almost a
year since I died on Japa. I couldn't continue to 'haunt' her
any longer. I told her I loved her and that she'd see me again
someday but she needed to move on. It felt like a good idea at
the time. As I sit and watch her now I realize dying was easy.
It's eternity that's a bitch.
I feel someone
approach behind me and I know it's George. I can sense his
presence.
"I thought I'd
find you here," he says taking a seat next to me.
"Got nowhere
else to be," I tell him.
"It hurts you
so Xena," he says sympathetically. He's a good angel, as
if there's any other kind, right? Still, he's a sweetheart.
"Why do you watch?"
"I need to
know she's okay." It's true. Even if it does hurt. And
even if watching her fall in love again... I know it's the best
thing for her. I know deep down I really am happy for her. It's the
'upfront' part of me that's having a problem with it
all.
"Well, I
wanted you to know... it's almost time. Just a few more minutes
in fact. Your new body awaits."
"And then I
won't see her again. I won't know her. I'll have no memory of
her... She'll be gone forever won't she?"
"Not
forever," George tells me. "Your souls are
connected. You know that. You'll find her in every life. I
promise. The face will always change but the spirit will
remain the same. Just as it has for hundreds of years now. In
fact we seem to have this conversation over and over
again."
I look and I see
his grin. I can't help but grin myself. "And each
time?"
"I give you
this same speech," he says faking exhaustion before
grinning again. "So if it sounds pickled you know why. My
lines are very old and well preserved let me tell you."
I look back toward
Gabrielle and her new lover with a nod. "So what about
this lifetime? What's in store for Gabrielle? Not like I'll
remember... I'd just like to know. I mean... will it be a long
time before I met her again. Will she pass peacefully?"
He holds up his
hand and stops me.
"It will be
sometime Xena before you met again. She builds a life with
Paria and they'll be happy for many years. Just shy of her 50th
birthday she'll become ill. There will be some pain for her
but Paria will be a faithful servant to her, making sure she
has healing herbs to cure the pain. She'll cross over
peacefully in her sleep."
"So I guess I'll have awhile before I met her then?"
"She'll make
the jump immediately this time around. But yes it will be some
time before you meet. You'll be a wise, old woman by the time
she comes into your life again."
"The mother of
peace?"
George gets a
surprised look on his face that makes me grin. "How did
you-?"
"I've got
connections." I grin as I pat his leg.
I feel my spirit
start to flutter and glow. Quickly I turn to George,
"Please. Will you visit her? Tell her I'm gone but I'm
happy for her. Tell her I've made the jump. I don't want her
hanging onto the fact that someday I might come back."
"Someday you
will come back to her Xena." He grins. "But yes, I'll let
her know your new life has begun."
"You're a good
friend, George," I tell him. "Maybe one of these
lives Gabrielle and I will get it right and join you here for
good."
"I have no
doubt it WILL happen. Be well my friend."
Suddenly, I feel an
explosion of light and then...
XXXXX
Gabrielle and Paria
scrambled to their feet at the vision that transformed before
them. George halted his movements when he saw he had
frightened them on his arrival.
"Please,"
he began. "Don't be afraid. I'm a friend."
Protectively, Paria
steps in front of Gabrielle, blocking him from coming closer.
"Who are
you?" Paria asks. "What do you want?"
"I bring a
message... for Gabrielle."
"From
who?" Gabrielle questioned.
He grinned.
"Do you really need to ask?" he begins as he
flutters his wings. "She wanted you to know that she's
been watching you." Gabrielle started to get a guilty
look on her face. "Don't. She understands. She's glad you're building your life again. And she wanted me to tell you
that it's begun."
"What's
begun?" Paria asked the angel. She turned to Gabrielle.
"Who is he talk-?"
"Xena,"
Gabrielle answered. "She's started a new lifetime?"
George simply gave
a nod.
"So she's
gone... for good?"
"From this
lifetime, yes. She wanted you to know."
"Thank
you," Gabrielle replied.
"Do her memory
proud, Gabrielle," he said nodding to Paria. "Live
honestly, love deeply and don't hold anything back... ever."
With that George
vanished as quickly as he appeared. Paria started to shake her
head.
"That was
incredible," she muttered. She turned back to see
Gabrielle's bottom lip quivering and tears in her eyes. She
didn't waste any time pulling the Amazon queen in her arms.
"Are you alright sweetheart?"
Gabrielle pulled
back and began to pace. "I always wondered you know. If she
would come back? And I haven't been fair to you Paria. I'm
sorry. I just kept thinking about what she would say."
"I know you're
sad-
"I'm not
sad," Gabrielle started to chuckle as she wiped her eyes.
"I'm very happy actually."
"Why's that?
Because Xena won't ever come back?" Paria was clearly
confused. She knew how much Xena had meant to her and at
moments she had serious doubts if she could live in the huge
shadow that Xena left behind in Gabrielle's life. But she knew
Gabrielle was worth the risk that might come to her heart
should Gabrielle decide she couldn't love her.
"No, it's not
because she won't come back. It's because now, well, now I know
I can move on. And I know that's what she wants too. Of
course, that's
if you'll have me. I really want to try. I know I'm not the
easiest person to live with and...
Paria grinned and
closed the distance between them. She lifted Gabrielle's chin
with her fingertips and kissed her lightly on the lips.
"I'm honored. And I promise I'll try my best to make you
happy. Lord knows I'm not a warrior princess," she
chuckled nervously. "And I know I never could be... but
I'll be happy to serve an Amazon queen."
Gabrielle wrapped
her arms around Paria, resting her head on her chest. She felt
Paria's arms envelop her. Her skin felt warm. For the first
time, in a long time, Gabrielle herself felt warm again.
The End
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