Title: Conversations
by Campfire Part 2
Author:
CN Winters
Fandom:
Xena Fanfiction, Xena fanfic, Xena fan fiction, Xena and
Gabrielle fanfiction, Xena fiction
Rating: R
- NC-17
Disclaimers:
The characters in this fan fiction are not mine. They belong to MCA/Universal/USA Studios and about a dozen other folks who I’m sure are making tons upon tons of money – unfortunately I am not one of them. This little tale contains adult themes and language and involves (you guessed) a love tale of two women.
Author
Note: I loved the chemistry Gabby had with the wacko Najara. There was something more than meets the script and I thought I’d write about it. Hope you enjoy it.
Synopsis: Xena
ends up telling Gabrielle about Alti's vision of their
deaths.
Feedback:
Drop me a line at cnwinters71@yahoo.com.
Conversations by
Campfire Part 2
"Please tell
me. Is it me? Have you changed your mind about-?"
"No,"
Xena affirmed quickly, cutting the bard short. "I love
you in ways I never dreamed possible. I’m all right, really.
We need to get moving to warn the city." How could she
tell the bard she'd seen their own deaths? She couldn't.
"No." The
defiance in the bard’s voice stopped Xena in the task of
rolling their bedroll. Their eyes locked and Gabrielle moved
to her knees in front of the warrior. "Tell me what’s
going on. I’m not a mind reader. Xena, and I have to admit
this... resistance... It makes it difficult to believe I’m
not the problem."
Xena took the bard's
hands in hers, giving each one a single affectionate kiss. How
can I make her understand without hurting her even more? Xena
thought silently before speaking. They had already endured so
much pain together. She didn’t want their road to being
lovers see any more harm.
"Honestly.
It’s not you. Yes, there is something wrong, but it’s
nothing that you’ve done, Gabrielle. It’s me. It’s my
problem. My burden... It isn’t your concern."
"By Tartarus,
it’s not!" Gabrielle said snatching her hands away from
Xena’s embrace. "You promised me – no more secrets,
no more silent treatments! And if you have a problem then
‘I’ have a problem."
Why can’t she
just let it go? Xena wondered.
"Gabri-."
"No,
Xena," the bard said beginning to sob. "You’re
reluctance to talk to me... to be honest, it hurts. And it
worries me... if you can’t trust me then I can’t move
forward with you. And I know I can’t move back to where we
were last week."
"It’s not
about trust. It’s about protecting you," Xena plead.
"Please don’t make me explain any further."
The bard's sigh was
deep. Xena was missing entirely missing the point.
"Don’t you see by now that I’m not the only one who
needs protection and care. You need it too... and whatever it
is that’s haunting you now... it’s destroying us before we
even have a chance to truly begin... Whatever it is... have
faith that I can handle it... Please."
Xena released a
raged sigh. She had to tell Gabrielle of the vision now. And
she realized what the bard said was true. If they were ever
going to survive as a couple they had to have equal footing
with one another. That equality was something that was missing
from all her previous relationships.
She usually had the
upper hand with her lovers. She could take them or leave them.
But Gabrielle... she realized she couldn’t just leave her.
She never could. She always came back to her, even in the
worst of times. And the thought of being so taken by someone
who was so taken with her, frightened her, excited her, but
above all else comforted her. With that she went into the
vision that Alti showed her, hoping upon hope that Gabrielle
wouldn’t leave screaming for the hills. On the other hand,
part of her did hope that Gabrielle would depart, saving her
from an untimely and young death. Xena felt truly torn.
After she finished,
Gabrielle’s reaction surprised her. She seemed almost
angered by what she had been told and most certainly
disbelieving. Xena knew in her heart the vision was real
although Gabrielle denied it. So much of what Alti showed her
had come to pass. The burning village as they fought the
Romans, the battle with Najara. She had to make the bard see
the threat was real, but Gabrielle just wouldn’t buy it. As
they loaded up the camp Xena, realized it was a lost cause.
"Gods forbid
should I mention it again," Xena said lightheartedly. But
her heart was anything but light. Gabrielle wanted the truth
– now she had it. And Xena wondered if perhaps it was a
mistake. She could tell that even in her resistance to
believe, the bard was now troubled. Her burden was now
Gabrielle’s and she wondered yet again... How many times am
I gonna hurt her?
It took time and
few deaths too many, but Xena uncovered her former slave’s
plan. She had spared the city from ruin, but in doing so she
had to walk through one of the most painful times of her past.
She sat at the campfire with Gabrielle, once more, as always,
at her side. The bard’s presence comforted her. Gabrielle
wanted trust. She wanted the walls around Xena to come down so
they could ‘move forward’ as the bard had called it.
As she told the
tale of watching her lover die and giving her son away, Xena
bared all to Gabrielle. She knew the bard understood how it
felt – leaving the child you bore. Xena did it to give Solon
a better life. Gabby did it to save a life – to save the
child from Xena herself. Xena’s tears fell more frequent as
she continued. It wasn’t just the pain of the distant past, but
the recent past. The bard had given up so much for her, more
than anyone should be asked. However, despite all that, here
she sat – close at hand, stroking the warrior, consoling
her. Had Xena ever consoled Gabrielle at the loss of Hope? No,
she realized. She had not. Yes the child was from Dahak
himself, but Gabrielle bore the brunt of that terrible fact.
She should have done more. She should have done something to
help the bard heal. In that instant, she realized she would
show no more restraint with Gabrielle when it came to showing
her feelings of affection.
Gabrielle kissed
her lightly at the temple and murmured words of reassurance.
Xena turned and faced the woman she had grown to love. The
woman she would never let go – under any circumstance. They
belonged together – their love could transcend anything.
Vision or not, they were destine for each other. Xena cupped
the bard’s face and she brought her in for a passionate
kiss. Gabrielle was well aware of the intent behind it.
"Xena,
you’re really upset right now. And I think-."
"Then comfort
me," Xena answered going back for another kiss, which
Gabrielle was more accepting of this time.
Gabrielle groaned
in frustration at her lack of reserve. They had shared many
passionate kisses since the confession the week before, even
some light petting. But Gabrielle knew Xena wanted more
tonight. And if things kept up there would be no going back
– for either one of them. The ‘point of no return’ was
getting shorter and shorter with each day that passed; each
caress they shared.
"Please,
Xena," the bard begged. "Not like this. You’ve
been through so much tonight. I want you to be sure you’re
ready."
"I’m ready." Xena grinned
mischievously.
"Okay,"
Gabrielle replied with a grin as well, but keeping her hands
on Xena’s shoulders. "I need to be sure you’re ready...
And I’m uncertain... You need comfort now... I know. I can
see it in your eyes... and I’ll give you comfort." Xena
moved in closer, but Gabrielle stopped her. "But not that
kind of comfort." She grinned. Xena looked defeated and
slumped back to her side of the bedroll, giving up the
pursuit.
"Hey,"
Gabrielle said getting her to meet eyes. "I’m not
playing the tease here."
Xena’s eyebrow
shot up in question making Gabrielle laugh out loud.
"Honestly,
I’m not... Just think for a moment, Xena," Gabrielle
replied, her voice becoming serious again. "... Have you
ever given yourself to someone expecting nothing in
return?"
The warrior
considered it and after a brief time realized no, she
hadn’t. With Borias and the men in her army it was about
power. With Marcus it was about her release. With Hercules it
was about... comfort... Xena realized Gabrielle was different
then all of them put together. Gabrielle wanted her – mind,
body and soul. Tonight, Xena realized she couldn’t give
Gabrielle that. And after all that the bard had been through,
that was what she deserved.
Once more, Xena
started to cry.
She cried because
she couldn’t be what the bard needed now. She cried because
the bard continued to stay by her side – both in joy of the
situation and in fear. Fear of the path Xena might lead her
on. Xena never imagined in all her dreams that falling in love
could be so painful, but she realized she built many walls
around her - walls that were tumbling into rubble more and
more everyday with Gabrielle’s love and commitment. It
would hurt, Xena resolved. But to have the bard, on the
terms they decided, well that would make it all worthwhile.
Gabrielle scooped
her into her arms.
"Shhh, it’s
okay," the bard cooed. "We’ll get there, Xena. We
will... I have faith." Although Gabrielle claimed she
wasn’t a mind reader, Xena had to admit the woman did have
her moments. Moments like this one where all her doubts and
insecurities were displayed in a single second.
No more words
passed between them that evening. Gabrielle gently laid the
warrior down, gathering the strong, trembling body in her
arms. Xena’s shaking subsided and her breathing evened out.
She was fast and deeply asleep, safe in the crook of the
bard’s arm.
Only then did the
bard cry silently, not wanting to wake the sleeping warrior
beside her. She cried for Xena’s pain, perhaps even her own.
The vision worried her as well, but she had to go on living.
Right now she had to be strong for both of them. But in the
shadows of night and the light snore of her warrior, Gabrielle
let go of her strength. And in spite of losing that strength
she showed all evening, she still had one thing.
She had faith.
Continue
to Part III |