Title: Bonding
of Souls Part 2 of 5
Author:
CN Winters
Fandom:
Xena Fanfiction, Xena fanfic, Xena fan fiction, Xena and
Gabrielle fanfiction, Xena fiction
Rating: PG
to NC-17
Disclaimers:
The following story contains spoilers from season six episodes. It takes
place after my Changes of Heart series. You don’t
have to read it, but you might enjoy it. It’s an alt story,
which means women in love with women, so beware. These
characters belong to Ren Pics. I think that about covers it.
Synopsis: These
stories are accompaniments to the season six episodes of Legacy
through the Norse Arc.
Feedback:
Drop me a line at cnwinters71@yahoo.com.
Bonding of Souls
Part 2 of 5
AFTER THE
STORM (set after 'Legacy')
"Korra!!"
Xena nearly sprang to her
feet from a deep slumber upon hearing the bard cry out. She
looked over to see the bard now sitting up, shaking and
breathing hard. Third time this week Xena thought. Her
heart arched for the bard. Every night she hoped the gentle
distraction of her affections before bedtime would lead the
bard to happy dreams but no such luck. Gabrielle continued to
dream of the desert boy whose life she took accidentally.
"Hey," Xena said
softly stroking her back. "It’s okay, Gabrielle. Settle
down, sweetheart." Xena gathered the sleeping furs around
them, pulling them tighter.
Gabrielle ran her hands over
her face, trying to calm her nerves. "I keep seeing him,
Xena," the bard whispered. "Every night he keeps
coming back. Every night I kill him all over again... I
don’t think this will ever end."
Xena held back her
frustrated sigh. "It will, Gabrielle. Give it time.
You’ve been through a lot lately."
"I’ve been through a
lot lately? What about Korra’s father? I took his only son
from him," Gabrielle spat.
Xena chewed her bottom lip
to keep herself from going off on the bard. Silence was safer.
"I’m sorry,"
Gabrielle apologized with regret. "I know you’re trying
to make me feel better. I do... It’s just so difficult
living with what I’ve done – how I’ve hurt that tribe;
Korra’s father. It feels like I have a huge boulder on my
shoulders, crushing me, with no means of escape... Is that
what it felt like – I mean when you came to Potiedaia? When
you had given up?"
Xena gave a small nod but
said nothing.
"When did it end? When
did you feel ‘normal’?" Gabrielle asked.
"I’m not sure I’ve
ever felt ‘normal’," Xena answered truthfully.
"All I know is I saw you stand up to Draco’s army. I
watched you willing to sacrifice yourself for everyone else. A
fire I thought had gone out rekindled. Not the inferno that
sent me on a destructive path but a new one. One I hadn’t
felt since I was a young woman defending my town. I started
out with the best of intentions but got lost along the way.
That day when I saw you, I found a new beginning. Perhaps
that’s why I was so adamant against you following me. I
didn’t want to go on and I didn’t want to take you down
with me."
"What changed it?"
Gabrielle asked, cocking her head in curiosity.
"You wouldn’t take no
for an answer." Xena grinned. "Just like I’m not
gonna take no. I’m gonna stand by you. I’m gonna defend
you. And I’m gonna help you find your true purpose again...
Just like you helped me."
Gabrielle grinned at
Xena’s words. She’s not the most poetic of warriors but
she knows what to say and when to say it, Gabrielle
considered. I’m lucky to have her. If I didn’t... Gabrielle couldn’t finish the thought.
Xena saw Gabrielle’s
expression of happiness slip away again.
"What’s
wrong?" she asked.
Gabrielle ran her hands
through her hair. "Just thinking... I couldn’t go on
without," Gabrielle began to sob.
"C’mere," Xena
said pulling Gabrielle to her and lying back on the ground.
She stroked the bard’s
hair as she cried on her shoulder. Gabrielle settled down a
bit whipping her eye before hugging Xena around the waist.
"I’m not going
anywhere," Xena told her.
"Even if I’m a
terrible person?" Gabrielle answered. "A warrior who
lacks judgment?"
"You’re not a
terrible person. You’re one of the greatest to walk this
earth. And I’ll always sing your praises to anyone I met.
You’re a brave warrior, a wonderful bard, a fantastic lover
and a best friend. I’ve been truly blessed, Gabrielle. And
I’ll fight for you until the end. Lord knows I’ve fought
bravely for much less."
"Even fanatics who talk
to beings called the Jinn?" Gabrielle teased.
Xena was relieved to hear
the bard’s little attempt at humor.
"Ooh especially... I might even give up a good chewing tooth now and
then."
Gabrielle grinned and sat up
on her elbow.
"She could have never loved me like you... never," she whispered as she stroked the warrior’s
face. "You and I," Gabrielle added as her fingers
traced Xena’s lips. "We’re endless."
Xena closed her eyes and
kissed the finger that lingered. The grin that was beginning
to grow on Xena’s face came to an abrupt stop when she felt
the bard’s lips covering hers in a tender kiss. Xena’s
eyes remained close and her hand moved up to cup the back of
the bard’s head.
"Endless," Xena
sighed as her lover pulled away and she opened her eyes.
"Don’t ever forget that," Xena pleaded.
"You’ll always mean the world to me."
Gabrielle settled back into
Xena’s shoulder and stroked the side of the warrior’s
face. "I love you, Xena."
"I love you too,
Gabrielle."
At dawn, Xena and Gabrielle
went down to the parcel building in the local village to see
if they had any messages from the family. They weren’t all
that surprised when they saw a scroll from Virgil. Not waiting
to get back to camp they opened it and read it.
Xena and Gabrielle:
Hope this scroll finds
you both well rested after your vacation. I wanted you to
meet someone I met while traveling back with Eve and Sarah
(Both are doing fine by the way and send their love. Lila
was completely overjoyed and sends her regards and deep
gratitude as well).
Anyway, I think
you’ll like him. His name is Hordious and he enjoys
writing tales much like yours Gabrielle. I’m not sure what
father would say to this but I’m sure you two would
understand. I wanted to make a trip to Athens to introduce
him to mom. She always said, love is love no matter what.
Time to find out if she really meant it.
We’ll be traveling
back to Africa shortly to visit some kin he has living
there. I thought perhaps in two weeks we could meet on the
river. There’s a little town called Kaiai. Hordious says
we could camp out under the stars, go fishing and so on at
the south side of town. I’m rambling aren’t I? Well I
know you two don’t have anything ‘pressing’ at the
moment so I’ll count on you being there unless I hear
otherwise. I look forward to seeing you two again.
Take care
~Virgil~
"What do you know?
Virgil got a boy toy," Xena chuckled.
That earned her a playful
swat from the bard.
"I think it sounds very sweet and
romantic," Gabrielle countered. "He sounds quite
smitten in fact."
"Really? Did we read
the same parchment? I saw he met a guy and they’re going
camping. No deep everlasting love going on in this
letter," Xena answered gruffly.
"No dear, it’s
subtext. Reading between the lines like star gazing and
phrases like ‘and so on’. Get it?" Gabrielle asked
with raised eyebrows.
Xena paused a moment.
"Nope. Looks like he got a boy toy to me."
"You’re such a
cynic," Gabrielle chuckled rolling up the parchment.
"It’s a wonder that we ever got together."
Gabrielle grinned.
"That was easy. I just
picked you up, put you on my shoulder and said ‘Me warrior.
You bard. Make zug zug’."
Gabrielle slapped the
parchment against Xena’s breastplate for her to hold, making
the warrior yelp. "Yeah Xena - you really know how to
sweep a gal off her feet you big softy you."
Xena chuckled and wrapped a
tender arm around the bard. "Come on bard ‘o mine.
Let’s say I buy you breakfast."
"The fastest way to a
woman’s heart, through her stomach." Gabrielle grinned.
"I guess you do know how to treat a lady Xena."
Xena grinned. "I never
had a doubt my dear."
FILLING
VOIDS (set after 'The Abyss')
Xena grinned as she watched
the skinny man - Romeo, Rommaro, Ro- whatever... eating
everything he could get his hands on. Well maybe not
EVERYTHING Xena considered with a silent chuckle when
thinking back to the cannibal experience. He hadn’t stopped.
He’d already gone through their rations and was now eating
berries he had found. His face and hands were covered in juice
and he looked up to find Xena watching him in amusement.
"Sorry," he
apologized with an embarrassed grin.
"On no, eat up." Xena grinned as she rose to go sit closer to Virgil and
Gabrielle. "You could use it," she added pointing to
his small frame.
He did just that, diving
back into his bowl.
"Are you sure you
don’t want us to go back with you?" Xena heard
Gabrielle ask Virgil as she took a spot behind the bard. Xena
spread her legs around Gabrielle and the bard naturally leaned
back into the warrior.
"I’ll be okay,"
Virgil grinned warmly. "I didn’t know him that long - a
moon at the most. Still... I can’t help but wonder what
could have been. Fate is a fickle one," he added as he
stared off. After a deep sigh, he looked up and grinned after
seeing the concern on Gabrielle’s face. "I’ll be
okay," he reassured her. "But how about you? Is that
fever still gone."
Xena put her hand over
Gabrielle’s forehead, testing her temperature. "As hot
as ever," Xena said in compliment to her sexy companion
while giving a light kiss to her cheek. "But not too
hot."
Gabby gave the warrior’s
thigh a playful swat as she grinned. "I feel fine,"
she told Virgil.
"Too bad we couldn’t
get that medicine or find out how they made it," Virgil
commented. "Your recovery is quite impressive from when
they first brought you to the hut."
"Would you like to go
back and get some?" Xena teased.
"I think I’ll
pass," Virgil grinned.
"That makes two of us." Gabrielle grinned. "Besides I think the warrior
princess kicked enough asses in one day," Gabrielle
chuckled.
"Yeah I’m over my
limit," Xena sighed. "But today is another day. We
could try then?"
"No!" Virgil and
Gabrielle answered in harmony.
Xena chuckled and stood up,
bringing Gabrielle with her. "Get some rest Virgil.
We’ll head back to the main village at dawn. We should be
there before the sun is high and set sail back home before
nightfall," she told the young poet.
"Thanks again Xena. You
saved my life," Virgil said sincerely. "I now see
first hand why my father thought so highly of you. I’m
indebted to you."
"Virgil," Xena
began as she wrapped an arm around Gabrielle’s waist.
"You took care of what I prize most at a time when she
need someone to look after her and comfort her. You’re a
good man like your father Virgil. I’d say we’re
even."
They all shared a warm round
of grins.
"Good night
ladies," Virgil said before climbing into his bedroll.
"’Night," Xena
and Gabrielle said in harmony.
They walked a short distance
from the campsite until they reached a cliff over looking a
valley.
"It really is quite
beautiful here," Gabrielle replied look out toward the
moonlit horizon.
"Yes it is," Xena
agreed.
They took a spot on a fallen
tree limb side by side. "C’mere," Xena said
putting her arm around the bard. Gabrielle gently rested her
head on Xena’s shoulder and sighed.
"Are you sure you’re
feeling okay?" the warrior asked upon hearing the heavy
sound come from the bard.
"Yeah," she
answered without pause, "I had the chance to do some
thinking and I realize that I do walk the path of the warrior.
My judgement will improve with time. But first and foremost I
have to take care of you... and myself. That’s what comes
first above all else."
"Above the greater
good?" Xena asked with a grin.
"Keeping you safe is
for the greater good," Gabrielle answered honestly.
"The fact that it’s the most important thing to me too
is just an added bonus," she answered.
A small silence passed
between them until Xena spoke. "I just don’t want you
to have any regrets Gabrielle."
"Xena," the bard
began, "We all have regrets about something. You
haven’t led much of a life if you don’t have some
regrets."
"What makes you say
that?"
"Well I’d rather feel
bad about the choices I might have made in my life than the
ones I didn’t. I mean... to feel sorry for the things you
SHOULD have done is far worse than feeling bad about the
things you have done. At least you took action. At least you
tried to make an outcome favorable. Some things work out. Some
things don’t. But in the end if you took your fate in your
own hands instead of letting it play out I think it’s easier
to live with yourself... I’ll be just fine."
"Well you’ve been
pretty upset lately... I just wish there was something I
could do for you."
"Just love me Xena." Gabrielle grinned. "Warts and all."
Xena raised Gabrielle’s
head with a stroke under the chin. She planted the most
delicate of kisses on her lips. "I do my soulmate. I
always will. No matter what fate have in store for us, we’ll
make our own destiny."
Another silence passed
between them and they went back to watching the horizon and
listening to the night animals. "I feel so sad for
Virgil. I know he said he didn’t know him long but still to
lose someone you felt a connection with, someone that could
have been his soulmate... I think it hurts him more than
he’s saying," Gabrielle commented.
"Perhaps," Xena
agreed. "But perhaps he wasn’t the right one. You and I
both made lots of choices over the years. You married Perticus."
As soon as the word left Xena’s lips she wished she could
take them back.
"I know I shouldn’t
have married him. If I sent him home without me he might still
be alive today."
"I’m sorry Gabrielle.
I didn’t mean anything derogatory by that. All I mean is
we’ve both had our moments when we thought that perhaps we
had found the ‘one’ but when it came down to it we really
didn’t. I mourned over letting Hercules go. He wanted me to
stay and a part of me wanted to stay. But I knew he’d pay
for my past sins and that wasn’t fair so I let him go. And
when I did it lead me to the ‘real one’." Xena grinned.
"You knew back
then?" Gabrielle asked.
"I knew I was terribly
attracted to you." Xena grinned. "But I also knew
you were a young farmgirl. And I didn’t want you messin'
with the likes of me," Xena chuckled.
"What changed?"
Gabrielle asked.
"After the quest for
the ambrosia I saw for the first time a confident, dedicated
woman before me. Not a girl but a woman. A woman who loved me
very much. A woman willing to take on a crazed amazon to bring
me back here. I realized... I’d never find a love like
that again in my life. You are rare Gabrielle and I know if
not for you I wouldn’t have stayed on the right path the way
I did. My life. My sword. My heart – they’re all for you...
Someday Virgil WILL find that too - I have faith."
"So we’re stuck with
each other huh?" Gabrielle teased as she slid over to
straddle the warrior’s lap.
Xena licked her lips and
looked her bard up and down, considering the ‘pinned’ fate
she was in. "Looks that way," Xena replied with a
raised eyebrow.
"Well then,"
Gabrielle said, nuzzling next to the warrior’s ear. "We
better make the most of it."
And make the most of it that
night they did.
MOVING
FORWARD (set before 'The Rheingold')
It took two weeks of travel
but finally the trio was on Greek soil again. Gabrielle,
looking green, had never felt so happy to be on solid ground.
They said their goodbye to Virgil who was heading to Athens to
visit Meg.
As Xena and Gabrielle walked
down the path headed North, Xena uncharacteristically took the
bard’s hand. Not that Gabrielle minded the gesture. It was
just an odd sensation for Xena to be so ‘openly
affectionate’ with her.
"Where we
heading?" Gabrielle asked, giving the hand a light
squeeze.
"I’m not sure
yet," Xena answered.
"Well wherever it is, I
hope we find an inn. I’m getting hungry - no comment
warrior," she warned before Xena could through out a
smart aleck comment about her appetite.
Xena simply chuckled. Oh
yes, the bard knows me well, she considered. Sad thing
is perhaps I really don’t know her quite as well. I mean at
the cave….
"Can we talk?"
Xena asked soberly.
Gabrielle looked to Xena
unsure. One moment she was laughing along with her but the
next she seemed almost... morose.
"Yeah, what’s the
matter?" Gabrielle asked genuinely concerned about the
change.
"I wanna talk about
Hope," Xena began. "Your daughter," she
specified.
Gabrielle stopped walking,
bringing Xena to a sudden halt, nearly ripping her arm from
its socket. "Why? I thought we settled all that,"
Gabrielle asked.
"I thought so too but
lately something’s been bothering you when the subject of
family comes up and I haven’t been able to put my finger on
it. Then when you were feverish in the cave... you thought
‘I’ was Hope."
Gabrielle let go of Xena’s
hand and the warrior watched as the bard’s arms crossed her
chest, almost as if she were guarding herself subconsciously.
"What did I say?" Gabrielle asked.
Don’t do it warrior.
Don’t cry on her. You’ll make her feel worse and it’s
obvious that you’ve hurt her enough over this. Be strong for
her sake. Just the facts.
"You said you’d never
hurt Hope. You said you loved her and that you two had to get
away from me - that I would take her away from you."
"Oh, Xena," the
bard sighed, with regret. They had been over this subject many
times in the last few years. She thought they were passed it
but apparently not. I’m still hanging on deep in my mind.
At some point I have to let it go.
"You know," Xena
began, "... when I found out about being pregnant with
Eve, my first thought was you – how you were going to handle
it, how we were going to survive... A god gave me a child.
Just like the way a god gave you a child... I just don’t
see how you managed to ‘overlook’ that."
Gabrielle chewed her bottom
lip. The words Xena spoke of Hope bothered her but what really
struck her was Xena’s interpretation of her ‘acceptance’
of the pregnancy.
Gabrielle’s first reaction
when she heard the news was that this baby Xena carried was a
mortal child, not that of a god. She ran down the list of
‘who’s who’ and when she ran out of names she assumed
that either A) Xena was lying to her or B) it was a man
Gabrielle had never met. Neither option was promising nor did
it ease her soul. That was the night she found solace in the
arms of a barmaid at the back of a tavern.
"I didn’t overlook
it," Gabrielle said guiltily unable to meet Xena’s
eyes.
Xena cocked her head, trying
to read the expression on Gabrielle’s face, which the bard
was purposely hiding. "What do you mean, Gabrielle?"
Gabrielle sighed. Should
you tell her? Should you confess what you did? Would letting
her know the truth bring her closer to you or just free you
from your guilt?... She deserves to know. And if she leaves
then... then that’s her choice. I won’t stop her. If
the pain is too much I’ll let her go - - for her.
Gabrielle swallowed hard
before she began to speak, "I have a confession, Xena, but
I need you to let me finish." Gabrielle looked up for a
brief moment to see Xena nod before looking back at her feet
in shame. "That night, after you said you were pregnant,
we were all at the tavern - you, me, Armond, Joxer and
Amerrice. All evening long I noticed a barmaid watching me
while I was stewing over what I thought you had done. I mean I
thought you betrayed me. I didn’t think a god was
responsible for what happened to you. Honestly, what were the
chances that both of us would have offspring as a result of
some ‘higher power’? I thought you lied to me and I was
angry - very very angry."
Gabrielle looked up briefly
to see if Xena was still listening at that point. Obviously,
she was because Xena’s bottom lip had begun to quiver.
Gabrielle had to look away again. She silently hoped that Xena
wouldn’t keep her word and would say something - ANYTHING -
to stop her from continuing, but Xena didn’t. She remained
quiet as promised. And Gabrielle knew she’d have to go on
with her confession.
"At one point in the
evening the barmaid nodded me back toward the kitchen a-and I followed her," Gabrielle said beginning to stumble
over her words. "I didn’t sleep with her, Xena... but...
We..."
"I know," Xena
whimpered.
Gabrielle’s eyes shot up.
"You know? I don’t understand," the bard said
thoroughly confused.
"I have a confession
too," Xena sighed. "I saw the way she looked at you
all evening. I also watched you knocking down the ales pretty
good that night. As the night wore on, I saw the way you looked
at her and when you got up to go the kitchen for some food, I
knew."
"You knew?"
Gabrielle asked.
Xena nodded. "Yes and I
followed you." She paused as if to get a hold of her
composure before continuing. "I saw you two kissing.
Gods, I wanted to tear that woman in half. As I debated about
what to do, something happened. You stopped. You told her that
you were angry with me, but this wasn’t the answer. And if I
remember correctly, she was pretty upset with you." Xena grinned. "She said something about
telling your lover she'd kissed you, at least that’s what she said when
she thought Amerrice was your lover. When she found out it was
me, she thought twice and realized her health could be in
serious trouble for messin’ with my bondmate."
"You knew this whole
time? And you never said a single word?"
"Never," Xena
answered.
"Why not?"
"Because I knew you
would tell me when I needed to know. It wouldn’t be
something you would say in anger. It wouldn’t be something
you would say to make ‘yourself’ feel better - you would
carry that guilt... But now, since you think I need to know
that you weren’t as accepting of my pregnancy, you felt you
owed me the truth... I admire that, Gabrielle."
"You admire that I
almost had an affair?" Gabrielle asked.
"No," Xena
corrected. "I admire that you DIDN’T have an affair and
that you didn’t feel the need to worry me about it. Because
you learned where your heart, and your body, lies. I’m not
saying that it didn’t hurt. I’m not saying that a part of
it doesn’t hurt even today. But I’m comforted in the fact
that it made us stronger - it helped guide you back to me. It
helped you realize it’s a life with me that you wanted -
that you wanted to be a ‘family’ and you wanted to love
this ‘unknown’ child as much as you cared for me, as much
as you loved Hope."
"I’m so sorry for
cheating on you," Gabrielle answered.
"You didn’t cheat." Xena grinned. "You explored other options
for a matter of a few moments. Obviously, I was still what you
wanted."
"I felt numb,"
Gabrielle told her. "That night in the kitchen. I just
felt numb and I knew that this wasn’t it; this barmaid
wasn’t going to solve my problem. I had to make a choice -
stand or fall so to speak." Gabrielle grinned. "I
knew I had to stand by you. I had to support your efforts with
this child who was going to be ‘ours’. Maybe in someway I
saw it at my ‘second’ chance at motherhood, which made it
easier to deal with in the end.
Hope was a part of my past
and as much as I would have loved to build a life with her...
I know that never would have worked. She had her father’s
agenda - that agenda meant more than my blood in her veins.
But somewhere deep inside me, Xena, I’ll always wonder what
could have been if SHE were different. I’ll always wonder if
there’s something that WE could have done to MAKE her
different. But I also know that she never gave us that option.
I realized this when we prepared to go into Dahak’s temple
and she came to me. She said she wanted me in her life. She
said if she asked father he would say yes and I could join
her. ‘I’ could join ‘her’. She would never have any
intention of joining me... We turned Eve from her darkness
because she wasn’t satisfied with her life. She took the
chance that love might be the best path to take. And that’s
a path I know Hope would have never taken."
Xena reached out and pulled
the bard into her arms, "I’m sorry I had to be the one
to battle Hope," she told her. "I never wanted you
to have to choose between my love and Hope’s love. I
just-."
"Had to be the warrior
princess." Gabrielle grinned. "I know. And like you
said earlier. I understand. It’s made us stronger. But yeah...
even today it still hurts someplace inside."
The bard’s empty
stomach gave a large grumble. Both women chuckled at the
noise, both a little grateful for the sound that helped
lighten the mood.
"We better get you to
an inn fast," Xena said, putting her arm around
Gabrielle’s shoulder as they started down the path again.
Gabrielle’s arm slipped naturally around Xena’s waist.
"There seems to be a
great deal of smoke and torchlights from over there,"
Gabrielle pointed, toward the east.
Xena’s stomach now seemed
to join Gabrielle’s in its protest of going too long without
being fed. "Looks like I’m not the only one who could
use a hot meal," Gabrielle prodded.
Moments later, they were
walking through a small town with a tiny inn. As they sat down
a burly man came over to take their orders - ales and whatever
was ready sounded good to the duo. As he briskly brought out
their plates, Xena looked at hers for a short moment before
digging in. She was nearly finished, nibbling on some bread,
when she noticed that Gabrielle had only half of hers gone.
"You gonna finish
that?" Xena asked, nodding at the bard’s plate.
Gabrielle grinned at her
warrior. Trying to take my food, huh, warrior? No dice.
"All of it," she answered soundly with a nod.
Xena grumbled something
about the portion sizes and continued to prod Gabrielle for
‘playing’ with her food.
"I’m savoring
it," the bard told her.
Xena tried to stop from
rolling her eyes. Savoring it, Xena sighed. What a
bardly response? she chuckled silently. She would have
retorted but she noticed the man by the door who had been
watching them. Who’s this clown? Xena considered.
Xena made some off-hand
comment that brought him to the table. When the lock fell on
the table her heart stopped. She had to talk to this man and
away from Gabrielle. Xena could feel her entire future
disappearing before her eyes as she got up to take this
Beowulf fellow to the corner of the tavern.
She looked over now and then
to see Gabrielle ‘playing’ with the lock. And she realized
that this would be the last night she would probably spend
with Gabrielle. She prayed that the beds, like most inns,
would be tiny with room for only one person. She’d be less
likely to wake Gabrielle if she could leave without moving the
bed.
When Xena returned to the
table Gabrielle could sense Xena’s distress. She offered the
rest of her meal to her warrior. Xena said she’d lost her
appetite and the fact that Gabrielle was willing to give up
her food, which she so adamantly denied moments before, made
Xena’s heart hurt all the more. She couldn’t take someone
this wonderful and giving on a suicide mission... not
again.
As they readied themselves
for bed Xena could feel Gabrielle’s growing concern and
frustrations. She wasn’t shocked when Gabrielle made a
remark about keeping secrets. Xena just didn’t feel prepared
to tell her but she knew she had to. She’d take down that
wall if she had to so the bard would know she had her trust.
As she began to consider telling Gabrielle, at least part of
the tale, the bard stopped her. She wouldn’t ‘bully’
Xena into hearing the story. Much like Gabrielle’s
‘barmaid adventure’ sometimes it’s okay to keep secrets.
When Xena was ready to discuss it she’d be ready to listen.
Xena gave her thanks and with that they said goodnight.
An hour had passed and Xena
still lay in bed looking at the ceiling. The bard was in a
light slumber and Xena knew - this was the last night she
would have Gabrielle. The longer she lay there considering her
fate the more she wanted to feel her lover one last time. To
hold her. To kiss her. To taste her.
Xena walked over to
Gabrielle’s bed, watching her sleep. She considered acting
on her arousal but she knew that any experience would be
tarnished in her eyes. They had made love a few nights prior
on the ship and that image replayed in Xena’s mind. That was
the memory she wanted to keep of their ‘last time’ - a
time when they had the rest of their lives ahead of them, not
the end of hers which is what she would be doing at this
moment.
So instead of taking her
bard, Xena took quill to parchment. She told her as short and
sweet as possible that she needs to do this on her own - she
needs to face her past without endangering Gabrielle. The bard
would go on without her. Gabrielle would have the chance to
see their daughter, Eve, and have the relationship she always
wanted to have - her ‘second chance at motherhood’.
Gabrielle deserved that fate instead of dying in a lost cause.
And has Xena closed her letter she made sure to put a kiss
imprint on the parchment as well as something she told the
bard the last time they made love.
"Remember, my love for
you is endless."
Xena then gathered up
her belongs, placed the parchment on her tiny bed, and blew
the bard a final kiss goodbye. She walked out... and she
didn’t look back.
SLEEP TO
DREAM (set during the 'Norse Arc')
The warrior smiled as she
walked back to Gabrielle to see what caught the bard’s
attention.
"Can we stay here
tonight?" Gabrielle asked as she pointed down into the
valley. It was filled with beautiful, fragrant flowers and a
crystal clear stream – perfect for a nice relaxing evening.
Xena’s fingers instantly
locked with the bard's.
"I have to admit – it
does look quite inviting down there," Xena replied.
"You go first. I’ll follow right behind."
Gabrielle smiled and led her
horse down the bit of rocky terrain until they came to a
landing. She turned around to call Xena, but when she looked
back up the warrior was gone. "Xena?" No answer.
"Xena? Where are you?" Still no answer. The bard
became frantic. "Xena, this isn’t funny. Where are
you?"
"She’s not
coming."
The bard’s head snapped
around to come face to face with Joxer.
"Jox-. How can that be?
You’re dead. And where’s Xena?" the bard replied
looking back toward the top of the hill. "Xena!!!"
"There’s no sense in
shouting. She can’t hear you. She’ll never hear you.
She’s going to move on, start a new life. A life without
you. She’ll find a husband. She’ll make a family."
"She’s got a family,
Joxer, and she doesn’t need a husband. She has me. She’ll
always have me."
"But what if Brimhilda
was right. What if she’s forgotten her life with you? What
then?"
"Then I wait."
"If it takes a
lifetime?"
"Yes, and beyond."
With a pull of the horse’s
reigns, she began to walk down toward the valley and away from
Joxer, but he continued to follow.
"You can’t depend on
her, Gabby," he insisted. "You need someone stable,
supportive. Some with dare I say the heart of a lion."
Gabrielle stopped and turned
around. "Joxer, the answer is no. The answer will always
be no. Realize that and move on. You’re not my type."
"That’s right. She
likes warriors," a foreign voice added from behind
Gabrielle. "Female warriors. Isn’t that right,
Gabrielle?"
Slowly, Gabrielle turned
around. "You were a mistake, Najara. A very bad error in
judgment."
Najara smiled a stepped a
bit closer closing the distance between them.
"It’s
funny, you know? Xena said you were always so scared of horses
and it was like pulling teeth to get you to ride Argo with
her. Odd. You practically jumped into my saddle to go do some
bird watching. Why is that?"
Gabrielle didn’t say
anything. She couldn’t. She didn’t want to give voice to
the explanation.
"I know why,"
Najara began. "Because I was the ‘stop and smell the
flowers’ type of warrior. I was fierce in battle, but gentle
to the touch. And you thought about touching me quite often,
didn’t you Gabrielle? I would have given you my world. It
was all there for the taking."
"I didn’t want YOUR
WORLD," Gabrielle answered.
"But think if you had
taken it, Gabrielle. You wouldn’t have lost 25 years of your
life. Your family would still be alive. Your niece would have
grown up with her mother instead of in a harem. We could have
raised a child together, like you planned to do with Xena, but
we would have insured that she didn’t become the ‘bitch of
Rome’. You would be helping people in our hospice – not
taking the innocent life of some desert boys."
"Stop it!"
"Why? Does the truth
hurt, Gabrielle? Joxer is right about one thing. Xena’s not
coming back. You’ve served her purpose. She’s used you and
now she doesn’t need you. How many more years are you
willing to waste on that poor excuse for a hero, huh? How many
more lives are you willing to take and watch her take in the
name of the warrior princess?"
"You don’t know what
you’re talking about," Gabrielle replied, moving past
her to walk away.
"But I do. Xena won’t
return for you... ever."
"Yes, she will,"
Gabrielle answered.
"What makes you so
sure?" Najara taunted.
"Because... Her love
for me is endless."
"Which is why she left
you in that little filthy inn, right?" Najara laughed.
"No, she did that to
protect me," Gabrielle argued. "Because she does
love me. Same reason she was going to leave me with you until
she found out the kind of monster you really were. And
she’ll come back again, just like she did then."
"You keep telling
yourself that," Najara taunted. "Eventually, you’ll
believe it."
Gabrielle was relieved when
Najara stopped following. She took the horse down to the steam
for a drink of water. She walked around to her saddlebag when
she was met by another familiar face dressed in a white gown.
"Don’t listen to
them. She will find you," the figure smiled.
Gabrielle gave a light
chuckle of disbelief. "I still find it hard to see you as
our advocate sometimes Callisto."
"But I am. And trust me
when I say I know Xena. Her greatest weakness is you,
Gabrielle."
"Gee, thanks," the
bard replied sarcastically.
"But you are also her
greatest strength. The woman would move mountains for you and
one day she will find you. She will pass through the Ring of
Fire and she will remember all that you are to her. She will
find herself again and in doing so, will find you as
well."
Gabrielle gave a grin and
ran her hand up the angel’s arm. "Thank you. I really
need support now."
"I’m glad I could
help," the angel smiled. Suddenly, the smile fell and
Gabrielle watched Callisto clutching her stomach in pain.
"What’s wrong?!"
Gabrielle said softening Callisto’s descent toward the
ground.
"Run," she
whispered, nodding to something over Gabrielle’s shoulder.
"Well, look at what we
have here. The bard without her ‘muse’."
Gabrielle didn’t have to
turn around. She knew the voice. It was Alti. And she started
to run just like Callisto implored.
"Where you going, little
girl? You can’t out run me. I’m everywhere you turn,"
the raspy voice echoed through the valley.
Gabrielle tried to keep up
her pace but suddenly her mind flashed to being struck in the
face by the prison guard on Shark Island and she fell to the
ground bleeding. She tried her damnedest to rise again, but
this time the image of being stabbed by a cannibal crumpled
her to her feet. She heard footsteps and rolled over.
"Boo!"
Gabrielle clutched her side
and tried to scoot away on her backside as Alti took casually,
light steps toward her.
"Still waiting for the
mighty Xena? Still think she’s gonna save you from this
pathetic rock you’re on, huh? Well, I got news for you
‘little girl’, Xena isn’t in her ‘right frame of
mind’ and all the wishing and praying won’t help you
now."
Gabrielle watched someone
creeping behind Alti. It was Callisto, dressed in black
leather and chainmail. Casually, she tapped Alti on the
shoulder. The shamaness turned around quite unpleased for
being interrupted in her taunting.
"You?" she laughed
at the blonde.
"Rule one: You don’t
kill me and walk away."
With that, Callisto
delivered a right hook with such force it knocked Alti off her
feet and straight on her back.
"Rule two: You don’t
wanna make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m
angry."
She kicked Alti soundly in
the gut.
"And rule three,"
she added as she magically transformed into the angelic figure
Gabrielle had last known. "...is for Gabrielle. This is your
dreamscape. You can make it whatever you wish. You have the
power."
Gabrielle started to break
down at that point and began to cry. I’m still asleep?
Eli above! Please let me wake up. I just wanna wake up. I’m
tried of dreaming. I want to be living.
Gabrielle watched as
Callisto melted into the figure of Eli. "Until your
warrior princess arrives Gabrielle, make your dreams they best
they can be. Avoid the demons. She will return."
Alti rose to her feet behind
the smiling Eli, ready to take her vengeance against him.
Gabrielle closed her eyes tight against the image. When she
opened them she was sitting in Cyrene’s tavern in the living
quarters next to a roaring fireplace. She heard the door
behind her open. She watched Xena walk in carrying a bottle of
wine and two glasses with a seductive smile as wide as the
Nile. Ahhh, this is better. Much better.
Xena sat the glasses down
and looked in the mirror, hoping that something more than a
fleeting, scattered memory would come to her. She looked down
at her wrist to see the bracelet that Hrothgar had given her.
She flashed to a young blonde woman putting on a large
grouping of silver rings. "Oh these are beautiful!! Thank
you so much! You shouldn’t have." And just as quickly
as the image came it left. Nothing more, nothing less. Xena
looked around the room hoping something else might spur on a
memory. Something might help her piece together her life
before coming to Denmark. But the more she tried the more
difficult it was to capture any recollections.
"Wealthea," she
heard her future bride-groom bellow. "Do you need help, my
sweet?"
"No, thank you, my
lord," Xena called picking up the goblets. "I’m
coming."
Xena looked into the mirror
once more. Being the Queen of Denmark would give her the
opportunity to help people. She’d like to say she loved her
husband-to-be, but she was just so unsure of herself. She liked
that idea of helping others, however, and being queen would
give her that chance. She wondered silently if she had always
had the desire to help people. It might not have been her
calling then, but it was her calling now and she would live out
her life this way. And maybe, just maybe, someday the puzzle
would all fit together.
Continue
to Part
III
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