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Title:
It's What I Do
Author:
CN Winters
Fandom:
Buffy fanfiction; Willow fanfiction; Buffy slash
fanfiction
Disclaimer:
Joss owns 'em. I don't.
Summary:
Set at the end of 'Get it Done'. Just some old school
scoobi-ness.
Feedback:
cnwinters@hotmail.com
Pairing:
W/B friendship/subtext.
It's What
I Do
"Thanks for
bringing me back...again."
"Aww," I
sigh as I walk inside closing her bedroom door.
"…It's what I do."
"I was hard on
you guys today."
I look at her for a
moment. She's in Buffy cocoon. At least that's what I
call it. Arms wrapped tight around her, trying to shut
out the world around her. She's got pressure that's been
building up for months. I understand it. Maybe not
totally. The exist of the world as we know it doesn't
lie on my shoulders alone but I can see how she's
getting worn down because she thinks it does for her.
She doesn't realize that she does have help – now more
than ever.
"Ah, that's
alright. You needed to be. Although Twinkies and
kisses…also peachy motivational tools…." She
doesn't say anything about the joke. Not even a grin.
"You okay?" I asked settling into end of her
bed.
"I think I made a
mistake."
"What?"
"Those men that I
met – you know, the shadow men. They offered me more
power but I didn't like the loophole."
"So you turned it
down?" Buffy only nodded despondently and I had to
find someway to reassure her. "It's okay Buffy.
We'll get by. We always do."
"I don't
know…They showed me…"
"Showed you
want?"
"That the first
slayer was right. It isn't enough."
"Why Buffy? What
did you see?" She still isn't answering and I can
feel my nervousness rising when she doesn't answer.
"What did they show you?"
She takes a ragged
breath and sits up. She takes my hands in hers and I can
see a moment of hesitation in her eyes but I nod telling
her it's okay. She can share it with me. She can share
anything with me. "Look," she whispers.
I close my eyes,
focusing in on her energy, on her mind's eye. Suddenly
the scene is displayed before me – hundreds, maybe
even thousands, of Uber Vamps all waiting to surface.
Grant it this not good news but they appear to all be
contained in a cave. I pull away and open my eyes to
find that she's started to cry.
"Hey. Hey, it's
okay," I tell her. I climb over her legs to sit
beside her in bed. Of course I’m not sure if I totally
believe my words and I know she senses my reluctance.
But I pull her closer and she accepts my embrace. Her
head comes to rest in my lap and I stroke her hair
trying to quill her fear.
"Maybe you guys
should leave," she says after a few moments of
sitting together in silence. "You,
Xander…everybody. Just get the Hell out of here."
"It's still a
good fight Buffy," I grin down at her. "and I
still want in."
She turns and looks up
at me, giving me a lopsided grin. "You're crazy.
You know that?"
"Yeah. But on the
whole, I think I've come a long way. In fact you helped
me today a-and didn't even know it. I didn't want do the
magic Buffy. I didn't…but I'm glad I did. Not only did
I bring you back but…I got to test my limits…Grant
it Kennedy's now scared almost witless but…"
"No more fairy
tale crap huh?"
"She saw what the
Wicca that Wonta can do when she decides she Wantsta."
"You heard
that?"
I only nod.
"I'm sorry,"
she sighs.
"Don't be. You
were right…I mean sure, I wash the heck outta clothes
a-and I make a pretty mean casserole for 20 but you need
me here for more than just cooking and cleaning. I know
that. And from now on I'm gonna help you when I can, how
ever I can."
"Even if it means
sleeping here all night?"
"Sure, what the
Hell," I shrug with a grin. "Kennedy's decided
to 'see me in the morning' anyway. No smoochies tonight.
Not like we're making great strides anyway," I
offer up.
"Tell me
something and be honest."
"What?"
"If you had the
choice between a Slayer who's saved the world countless
times or a lippy, arrogant Slayer Wanna Be who can't
handle the black-eyed Wiccan…who would you pick?"
"Well given my
history I do have a thing for blondes," I tease.
Finally a real grin comes to her face and I continue.
"Depends on just what I'm picking for – I mean if
it comes down to who I'd side with in battle. It would
be you. Just like it was tonight. If it
were…romantically… I like Kennedy. But…I don't
think she's the one...I had the one and I lost her. And
I don't think anyone else I find on the smoochie front
will compare. I'm not sure if that makes sense or
not."
"It makes perfect
sense," she tells me. "You only have one love
of a lifetime."
"And both of ours
were cut short, weren't they?…Have you talked to him
recently?"
Buffy shakes her head.
"It hurts when I talk to him. I think it hurts him
too so I try to avoid it. I keep telling myself it's
better this way, not knowing what's happening in each
other's lives but…It's tough."
"Yeah but we're
still here aren't we?" I tell her optimistically.
"Still sticking it out. Gossiping about our love
life in bed. Maybe later I can braid your hair."
Buffy gives a light
chuckle and gently slaps my arm. "You're a
goof."
A small silence falls
between us and I can feel her recoiling again, thinking
about the vision, her responsibility to the world. My
heart aches for her and to be honest if I thought for a
moment that I could have Buffy – all of her, which
type of Slayer I'd pick wouldn't require debate. I would
choose her.
But I know Buffy would
never give me what I need. Not because she's selfish.
She's one of the most unselfish people in the world. She
just isn't capable to step back from her calling long
enough to trust anyone that deeply. And if I ever truly
fall in love again I want it to be all the way, not just
scraps of affection and trust. Buffy's a wonderful
friend but as a lover…It would never work. I know
that. She knows it too. But if there ever came a day she
could push it aside and perhaps 'retire'…Then who
knows…Maybe….
"It'll be
okay," I tell her. "We'll get through it
Buffy."
"And you'll still
be here? Still be my big gun?" she asks trying her
best to grin.
I grin too and I
stroke her cheek with the back of my fingers. "It's
what I do."
The
End
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